Of course it hurts
Of course it hurts when buds burst.
Otherwise why would spring hesitate?
Why would all our fervent longing
be bound in the frozen bitter haze?
The bud was the casing all winter.
What is this new thing, which consumes and bursts?
Of course it hurts when buds burst,
pain for that which grows
and for that which envelops.
Of course it is hard when drops fall.
Trembling with fear they hang heavy,
clammer on the branch, swell and slide -
the weight pulls them down, how they cling.
Hard to be uncertain, afraid and divided,
hard to feel the deep pulling and calling,
yet sit there and just quiver -
hard to want to stay
and to want to fall.
Then, at the point of agony and when all is beyond
the tree's buds burst as if in jubilation,
then, when fear no longer exists,
the branch's drops tumble in a shimmer,
forgetting that they were afraid of the new,
forgetting that they were fearful of the journey -
feeling for a second their greatest security,
resting in the trust
that creates the world.
Vacker poesi, ytterst bra på såväl engelska som svenska, trots att Karin Boye skrev den på svenska.
Jag önskar att tiden inte gick så himla fort, så jag hann känna in våren mer.
If you are not very careful your possessions will possess you
Dessa bedårande smycken klickade jag nyss hem:
Länk till shopen hittar ni här och till bloggen här.
Day 25 – A first
This night I had quite an interesting dream about all these small white rabbits I had somehow received. It made me think of my first sentence containing four or five real words, depending on how you see it. Therefore I decided to tell you about it.
It was of course in Swedish:
"Ja såg hare däborta"
Already by then had my parents raised their daughter to be nature-loving.
Jag tror ju på livet före döden
Mitt huvud känns likt den segaste av kolor. Jag vet varken ut eller in, knappt vilken dag det är och än mindre hur jag ska hinna med allt under de kommande veckorna. En storslagen show närmar sig, till den behövs mycket reptid och energi. Biljetter finns att köpa här. Jag fick dessutom idag reda på att jag kommer att ha minst ett, kanske två, prov veckan efter sommaravslutningen. Det blir kul.
Påsklovet var mycket välbehövligt, och även om jag inte fick ens en millidel av allt plugg gjort var det riktigt produktivt. Produktivt i den bemärkelse av att stressa av mig och njuta av solen och vänner. Påskhelgen tillbringades ute på mitt lantställe och för ovanlighetens skull följde hela familjen med.
Det var picknick bland högarna i Gamla Uppsala med Malin, boule med den finaste pojken jag vet, parkgrill, en broders tjugosexårsdag och skogspromenad i ett hav av blåsippor. Bland annat. Det var påsklov. Mums.
Day 24 – Something that makes you cry
Weeping Woman by Picasso
I interpret these headlines for the blog posts quite freely, as you can see, but I think I'm entitled to.
I’m made out of glue
Avokado med skagenröra
Bakad potatis, vitlöksstekt kyckling, créme fraiche med sweet chilisås (vinnande kombination!) och grekisk sallad
Fruktsallad på jordgubbar, vindruvor och sharonfrukt
Day 23 – Something that makes you feel better
When I'm down, chocolate and a cup of tea most often do the trick to pick me up. But what's most important is knowing that someone cares. A friend calling to check how things are going, being a shoulder to cry on and a hand to hold. A motherly, fatherly, brotherly or friendly hug or a kiss from my boyfriend. Those are the things that make me feel at my best. Also, I'm that kind of person who smiles when the sun is shining and that's why spring is my favourite season.
Day 22 – Something that upsets you
It's been a while since I wrote my last blog post and the more time that passes by the harder it gets starting to write another one, but here I finally go!
I'm quite contradictious, since I generally think that it doesn't pay off being upset with people. In the same time, if nothing upsets you, you won’t change anything in life or ever try to make a difference. I wouldn't want to live life passively, and therefore I'm upset with things, but I try to make it into something constructive.
What upsets me then? People being selfish, thinking only of their own best. People telling you that you're naive if you think that it pays off being generous and loving or if you think that you can make a difference in the world by acting righteous. People not empathic enough to think of what consequences their actions might have to others.
Also, car drivers often upsets me. Most anything they do upsets me, for example taking the car when they have the opportunity of biking or going by bus or not taking any notice of pedestrians or bikers.
Last but not least, what upsets me is all of the men in the world with power enough to think that they can do whatever they like. Reading and watching the Stieg Larsson's Millennium trilogy makes me want to vomit.
As you can see, contradictive could almost be one of my middle names. What I'm saying is, if something upsets you; try to make a difference about it. It might be easier said than done and you may call me naive, but there is always something you can do about it.
My boyfriend is killing me
Förutom att vara grym är han lika from som jungfru Maria, eller försöker åtminstone:
Även om rubriken inte stämmer är det sant att det vissa dagar känns som att jag skulle dö om jag inte träffade honom. Mitt hjärta bultar rätt hårt för den här mannen. (Jag känner mig mest som kvinna, så det vore ju lite underligt om jag hade en pojke till pojkvän. Tror att jag lägger av med hela den här manboy-grejen, så att han fattar att jag faktiskt inte vill ha Erik Saade...)
Day 21 – Another moment
Actually, I cannot write this without crying. I'm not sure how I fell in love with three Spanish in a couple of months, but I miss them like crazy. I had no idea I could love a child that wasn't my own so much that it would hurt.
Day 20 – This month
I spent one day and one night in Stockholm, with Gabbi, visiting our dear friend Björk.
One night I and my friends decided to cook an Irish dinner to celebrate St Patrick's Day. After two trips to the store and a couple of hours of cooking we finally ate a tasty stew.
Another night I had dinner with my brothers and cut both of their hair.
I have also spent some time with this amiable boy/manboy/man. Among other things we've seen Black Swan, a film that I would strongly recommend! Not for the faint-hearted though...
This afternoon I went out jogging, the same route that I ran last Sunday, and all these spots that were three days ago covered with snow and ice were now bare! I just love the feeling of an approaching spring. I understand the expression "full of the joys of spring" completely.
Also, this evening, I baked some oat cookies with cranberries and sunflower seeds. They were delicious!
In about a week March will change into April and then comes the Easter holiday. Time flies, and yes, I feel old saying it, but that's how it is. I have a lot of rehearsals with my choir until the show and I believe I will only get more tasks in school. In other words, I will not lack things to do, but they are mostly fun. Also, I'm really looking forward to summer, although I don't have much of an idea of how this summer will turn out yet.
Day 19 – Something you regret
I'm changing this blog post to "some things you regret".
I regret not doing things because I was too shy, I regret kissing people I didn't have any feelings for, I regret all those times punching or pinching my brothers and I regret killing a frog when I was too young to understand what I was doing (I'm clearly traumatized by the event since I can still remember hitting it with a clog and wondering why it stopped moving...).
Mostly I regret my regrets.
Day 18 – Your favourite birthday
Another example is that of last year, when I had a lovely celebration with some friends, kind of a combined birthday party and a farewell party since I was going to Madrid shortly after that. I had a great time, but I partly ruined it for myself by thinking of this one person who didn't show up and being full of melancholy because of my departure about a week later.
This is a picture taken on my second birthday. I have been looking through all these child photos, and found this one kind of funny, since I have a patch in my forehead which shows that I have always been good at unwarily hurting myself. Nowadays, I get my scars through jogging and mountain climbing, back then I got them by playing lively.