Day 25 – A first

I've been thinking about this blog post (not that much I confess...) not knowing what to write about.

This night I had quite an interesting dream about all these small white rabbits I had somehow received. It made me think of my first sentence containing four or five real words, depending on how you see it. Therefore I decided to tell you about it.

It was of course in Swedish:

"Ja såg hare däborta"

Already by then had my parents raised their daughter to be nature-loving.

Day 24 – Something that makes you cry

I cry very easily. It doesn't necessarily mean that I'm so sad that I'm thinking the world is coming to an end, but just that there are some feelings that need to be expressed in some way. My mother uses to say I wear my heart on my sleeve, and I think that the expression fits me very well most often. I have the worst poker face ever.

I cry when I see weddings on TV. I cry when I watch Oprah, Grey's Anatomy or any other shows showing people's misery or pain. I cry when something moves me, in other words. I also cry when I'm sad, angry, or feeling lonely. I cry if someone says something touchingly beautiful or when I'm nostalgic. Sometimes I cry because of laughing too hard or just being happy. I don't see crying as something negative, on the contrary, I consider it being healthy to cry now and then, at least for me. Sometimes I feel like crying, but those moments are most often the ones when I cannot cry and the times that I cry are those when I don't want to. 

Weeping Woman by Picasso

I interpret these headlines for the blog posts quite freely, as you can see, but I think I'm entitled to.

Day 23 – Something that makes you feel better

When I'm down, chocolate and a cup of tea most often do the trick to pick me up. But what's most important is knowing that someone cares. A friend calling to check how things are going, being a shoulder to cry on and a hand to hold. A motherly, fatherly, brotherly or friendly hug or a kiss from my boyfriend. Those are the things that make me feel at my best. Also, I'm that kind of person who smiles when the sun is shining and that's why spring is my favourite season.

Day 22 – Something that upsets you

It's been a while since I wrote my last blog post and the more time that passes by the harder it gets starting to write another one, but here I finally go!

I'm quite contradictious, since I generally think that it doesn't pay off being upset with people. In the same time, if nothing upsets you, you won’t change anything in life or ever try to make a difference. I wouldn't want to live life passively, and therefore I'm upset with things, but I try to make it into something constructive.

What upsets me then? People being selfish, thinking only of their own best. People telling you that you're naive if you think that it pays off being generous and loving or if you think that you can make a difference in the world by acting righteous. People not empathic enough to think of what consequences their actions might have to others. 

Also, car drivers often upsets me. Most anything they do upsets me, for example taking the car when they have the opportunity of biking or going by bus or not taking any notice of pedestrians or bikers.

Last but not least, what upsets me is all of the men in the world with power enough to think that they can do whatever they like. Reading and watching the Stieg Larsson's Millennium trilogy makes me want to vomit.

As you can see, contradictive could almost be one of my middle names. What I'm saying is, if something upsets you; try to make a difference about it. It might be easier said than done and you may call me naive, but there is always something you can do about it.

Day 21 – Another moment

Doing everything just like I use to every morning, except I'm this time putting all my belongings in three suit cases. I put an envelope with a letter on the bed that will no longer be "mine" and I go out on the street together with my host mother Cristina and her daughter Paula. The taxi that will take me to school is already there waiting, so we say goodbye real quickly with kisses and hugs. I guess Paula has no idea of the fact that I'm going away for good, she just looks kind of slumbery and dazed. The moment that I get into the taxi I burst into tears.

Actually, I cannot write this without crying. I'm not sure how I fell in love with three Spanish in a couple of months, but I miss them like crazy. I had no idea I could love a child that wasn't my own so much that it would hurt.

Day 20 – This month

It's really hard summarizing a month like this, but I'll tell you about some of the things that I've been doing.

I spent one day and one night in Stockholm, with Gabbi, visiting our dear friend Björk.

One night I and my friends decided to cook an Irish dinner to celebrate St Patrick's Day. After two trips to the store and a couple of hours of cooking we finally ate a tasty stew.

Another night I had dinner with my brothers and cut both of their hair.

I have also spent some time with this amiable boy/manboy/man. Among other things we've seen Black Swan, a film that I would strongly recommend! Not for the faint-hearted though...

This afternoon I went out jogging, the same route that I ran last Sunday, and all these spots that were three days ago covered with snow and ice were now bare! I just love the feeling of an approaching spring. I understand the expression "full of the joys of spring" completely.

Also, this evening, I baked some oat cookies with cranberries and sunflower seeds. They were delicious!

In about a week March will change into April and then comes the Easter holiday. Time flies, and yes, I feel old saying it, but that's how it is. I have a lot of rehearsals with my choir until the show and I believe I will only get more tasks in school. In other words, I will not lack things to do, but they are mostly fun. Also, I'm really looking forward to summer, although I don't have much of an idea of how this summer will turn out yet.

Day 19 – Something you regret

I'm changing this blog post to "some things you regret".

I regret not doing things because I was too shy, I regret kissing people I didn't have any feelings for, I regret all those times punching or pinching my brothers and I regret killing a frog when I was too young to understand what I was doing (I'm clearly traumatized by the event since I can still remember hitting it with a clog and wondering why it stopped moving...).

Mostly I regret my regrets.

Day 18 – Your favourite birthday

I'm not really that much for birthdays, at least not my own. When I was little I guess that the charm lied in having all eyes on me and getting presents, but now I feel birthdays are like any other days. They can be very pleasant of course, but I just don't have those sky-high expectations anymore. There is always something making them less than perfect. For instance, I had a very fun birthday party when I turned 7 or 8, but what ruined it was a pentathlon where my brother put black pepper in a bowl of flour with lumps of sugar that I was supposed to dig up with my mouth. I'm sure you can imagine the feeling in my eyes and nose when I dug in with my face...

Another example is that of last year, when I had a lovely celebration with some friends, kind of a combined birthday party and a farewell party since I was going to Madrid shortly after that. I had a great time, but I partly ruined it for myself by thinking of this one person who didn't show up and being full of melancholy because of my departure about a week later.

This is a picture taken on my second birthday. I have been looking through all these child photos, and found this one kind of funny, since I have a patch in my forehead which shows that I have always been good at unwarily hurting myself. Nowadays, I get my scars through jogging and mountain climbing, back then I got them by playing lively.

Day 17 - Your favourite memory

Sometimes I feel like this senile old woman, who has forgotten everything she has ever done. That's how it is right now.

I'm not sure that I can choose one and only one memory being my favourite, but instead I can tell you about the earliest memory I can recall. It's that of sitting on a chair in my cousins' hallway, wearing a pretty dark blue dress with flowers and dangling my legs, which were far from the floor. I was waiting for my mother to put on my shoes, and that's about it.

I don't know the reason why I remember it, but I like it, since it reminds me of that time when in a moment my only thought was that one of shoes being put on my feet. What I'm saying is, in an other way, I was light-hearted. I had nothing to trouble me and there are times when I long for it to be the same way again. I mean, not being about two years old, but being that untroubled.

Day 16 – Your first kiss

I guess you're not looking for those kisses when I was six years old. My first real kiss was from a stranger who said he loved me. Now I find it mostly amusing, but in that moment I thought that it was kind of beautiful.

Day 15 – Your dreams

When I was a small child I used to dream of being a singer on a big stage, preferably in a musical. I also used to dream that I would work at a dolphinarium.

Today, like so many days, I'm dreaming of summer heat. I dream of that feeling of being completely content that rarely comes along.

By night I dream of huge spiders like the ones that I've found in my cellar room and bathroom. Sometimes they are even bigger, pink and have wings.  

Furthermore, I dream of simply becoming satisfied with the life that I've lived. I hope that I'll one day look back at life and think that I've accomplished something, and if not having done all the things that I want to do at least some of them. Enough to be content. Having travelled and seen the world, having had children and raised them well and having been able to help people in some way. Oh, why does everything sound so cliché?

Day 14 - What you wore today

This is what it looks like if your background is a door that won't stay shut and your photographer is your mum forcing you to laugh. 

A body from KappAhl
A pair of black jeans
A pair of shoes from Sko August, to hide the fact that I'm wearing raindeer socks

Day 13 – This week

This week I have had winter sports holiday. The thing is I have had an annoying cold for three weeks now, therefore I haven't been exercising much of winter sports... This is what I have done instead:

Monday: I had choir where we discussed our upcoming show and then I went to Barista for a while to give Hannah her a present, since she turned 18. Then I welcomed my boyfriend back, who had been in Bangladesh for way too long.

Tuesday: My friend Jossan turned 18, therefore I went to have lunch at East City with her and her friends to celebrate. After that I had choir once again, where we basically managed to plan the entire show, in which order the songs are being put and which sketches we are going to have. Then I hang out with Hannah.

Wednesday: I had a mother-daughter day. We walked to the city where we watched the ice sculptures in the municipal park, had lunch at Unico, went shopping and watched the film "Of Gods and Men" at the cinema.

Thursday: I did those boring things I had to do, like cleaning and searching for jobs, in the forenoon. In the afternoon, Anton came.

Friday: I went downtown to have a cup of coffee with Anna and then I went home to Gabbi. That poor girl had been home sick the whole week. I won in Scrabble, she won in Yatzy and "kasta gris".  In the evening I watched "The King's Speech" at the cinema with Malin.

Saturday: In the evening came Malin, Ellika, Gabbi and Lisa to watch "Melodifestivalen" and hang out. Mostly hang out. They forced me to flatten my hair. It feels like half of all the people I have ever met have asked me how I would look if I flattened my hair; therefore I'm uploading a picture.

Sunday: Lisa stayed the night, and we planned to study chemistry. That plan hasn't worked out... Here we are, listening to Shout out louds and talking about everything else but chemistry.

Day 12 – What’s in your bag

If you would turn my bag inside out, you would find these things:

A calendar
A cell phone
An iPod
Lip balm
Nasal spray
A spectacle case
Headache tablets
A wallet
A pencil
A timetable for buses
An ink pen
A combination lock
A stamp from Spain
Something similar to pepper spray, from the time when Spanish men would shout "rubia" (=blonde) in the streets (Fortunately, I never had to use it)

Day 11 - Your siblings

I have two elder brothers.

This is Rickard, eight years older than me. As a very small child, I thought I would marry him when I grew up. Whe have never had so much of quarrels; I think that he must have been very patient with his little sister when she was always asking him about his girlfriends.

This is Niklas, six years older than me. We have had very many quarrels throughout the years. I have given him a scar on his arm by scrathching him in a fight, but I partly blame that on he always scratching his eschars. I always ended up with listening to the same music as him, though I told him that I hated it on principle.    

My brothers have in a way always been like role models to me. I would never have admitted it when I was little, but that is the way it is. They have moved out a couple of times each, and every time it broke my heart a little. 

I have thought that I hated them both. One thing I know for sure is that I love the both of them very much.

Day 10 – What you wore today

This is probably among the silliest blog posts of this challenge, but anyway, this is what I wore today:

A pair of black jeans from Crocker, JC
A tank top from Weekday
A cardigan from Lindex

Day 09 – Your beliefs

When I was a child I believed in God, for all I can remember. Every night I used to pray that prayer that children pray - "Gud som haver..." and sporadically I prayed for other things to come true. I went to church with my parents on Christmas Eve, but that was about it.

When it came to the point where I had to decide whether I should confirm my Christian faith or not, I no longer believed. Somehow my faith in God had slipped away, but I cannot remember when. It happened very naturally I think. I started my confirmation even so, but after a while I decided to not go through with it, and I had some quarrels about this with my parents.

Anyway, I signed up for a week at summer camp to do an "humanistic confirmation". I am very glad that I did, it was very interesting and I met all these wonderful people with whom I had many discussions about life and all there is to it. It is definitely something I would recommend if you want to talk about everything concerning life, but not through a Christian perspective.    

I would not say I believe in any kind of religion, but of course I have other beliefs. I believe in the evolution theory, but I am definitely not excluding the possibilty of something more to life than what science can tell us about.

A little part of my confirmation group.

Day 08 – A moment

Out dancing in Madrid, the four of us knock our heads together and scream out of happiness. I think that our thoughts are pretty much the same. We are lucky to have met but there's also some sadness in it, since we know that it is our last night together like this for a very long while.

I cannot say how glad I am that I met and had a chance to get to know you, Malou, Sofia and Josefine. Our journey to Barcelona was lovely and we had so much fun. I think about you every time I hear "Dj's got us falling in love". I love the way that we can be completely open about even those things that you normally hush about. We are very different in many ways, but still such a good match.

Day 07 – Your best friend

This is probably my best friend. Her name is Gabriella Backman, and we've known each other since I moved to Uppsala, for about seven and a half year that is. I don't think that I've ever met someone in the same time so eager listening to you and telling you about herself. She is very empathic, and she is a great friend. I know that I can always count on her, and she knows that she can always count on me. We don't fight because we understand each other way too well. I think she is the one who knows me best out of all people and I count her as family.  

Hannah Ax is one of my best and most colourful friends, and she has the ability of making me very happy when I'm down. She is always ready to listen and give good advice. I got to know her well in 8th grade I would say, and since then she has been one of the most important persons in my life. Sometimes I don't know what I would do without her. I can picture her and I when we are happy and retired old ladies, sitting in a sofa, each of us with a cup of tea and a knitting. I would very much like for that picture to come true some day.   

This is another one of my best friends. Her name is Malin Lindström, and we got to know each other somewhere in junior high school, but we got real close about a year ago. While getting to know each other she sometimes got me upset by her honesty, but now it's one of the things I like the most about her. She has these wonderfully interesting thoughts about life, and I love to hear them. I also love that she's a good and interested listener.

Lisa Bondeson, I would say, is also one of my best friends. We got to know each other about one and a half year ago, when we started in the same class. The first time we met we wore working clothes and were at a home for the elderly, a summer job that both of us had.  I did not know by then that we would become such good friends. We have had our ups and downs, and we often talk about our interesting relationship. In a way, we are like siblings. We can be very honest and even sometimes mean to each other, but we know that we can count on each other as well and we most often have a great time together.    

I feel that I could write about many more persons being very important parts of my life, but nor do I have the time or fortitude, nor do I think you would have the fortitude to read it. I love you all, and I could not get by without you. None mentioned, none forgotten. I think that you know for yourself if you are a friend of mine.

Day 06 – Your day

My day started when the alarm rang 08.20. Anton took the bus before I did, since he got stressed by the pace I had preparing everything, I think. As usually, Mandus made me feel very slacky by greeting cheerfully on his way biking to school while I stood by the bus stop, waiting for the bus. The thing is, he has about three times the way to school that I have.

My first class was physical education, and then I ran at a treadmill for twenty minutes. The next class was biology two and a half hour later, and we sat counting grains of maize to study genetics...

After school I collected my contact lenses at Synoptik, and then I went to Hannah's home to have dinner with her. We ate tomato soup, toasted bread and mozzarella. From there we walked in the cold winter night to our choir. It was, as always, very fun and cozy. I have a really good feeling about the show we're doing in May.

I walked home (from the bus stop) gazing at the stars. Home to an empty house. Ate my second dinner.

The day passed by real quickly and was no different from every other day - except for the fact that I had very pleasant company for breakfast, that is.

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